We'll all know what they are.
robot voice on the other end of your phone call (from here on out I'll use a more technical term- "the robot"): "If you'd like to pay your bill over the phone, please say yes. If you'd like to hear more options, say no."
me: "yes."
the robot: "I'm sorry, please say that again."
me: "Yes."
the robot: "Please repeat. Would you like to pay your bill now?"
me: "YES!!!! yes. Si. Da. Oui, oui. all that jazz- just LET ME PAY!"
the robot: "Thank you for choosing to pay now. We accept visa or mastercard."
me: "Mastercard."
the robot: "I'm sorry. What card will you use?"
me: "For crying out loud- there are only two choices. They sound nothing alike. MASTERCARD!"
the robot: "Thank you for choosing to upgrade our services. You will now be charged an additional fee for the ultimate cable/phone package. Please hold while we transfer you to one of our customer service representatives..."
me: you've gotta be kidding me, right now. nevermind. (click)
We've all had these kinds of conversations, yeah? Talking with the fake operators and speech recognition systems is a joke. But, who am I to critique thriving businesses? I mean, they are thriving. I'd organize a Ghandi-like sit-in, but then, the other protesters would want to keep occupied by watching T.V. and since you just witnessed me get upgraded unwillingly, I'd have to share my new and improved channel package.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Saturday, March 13, 2010
expertise
What makes one an expert on something? Is it when they've spent 10,000 hours on it? Once they can start using their knowledge of it in other aspects of life? Or when they finally just learn a little ditty about it and are able to convince someone that they know what they're talking about? For instance, What makes you skin pruney?
According to my good friend, it's due to the fact that your body wants to equalize water pressure and therefore your skin's pores expand and then comes pruniness... to use the specific/intelligent/scientific terminology. Oh, she's good. Just like how Plato knows that what makes a chair a chair is its "chairness," duh! I guess one day we'll find out the ins and outs of all of these need-to-know-because-they-are-super-important things! Have you ever noticed how hard it is to write long-winded hyphenated words? be jealous. 'til next time.
According to my good friend, it's due to the fact that your body wants to equalize water pressure and therefore your skin's pores expand and then comes pruniness... to use the specific/intelligent/scientific terminology. Oh, she's good. Just like how Plato knows that what makes a chair a chair is its "chairness," duh! I guess one day we'll find out the ins and outs of all of these need-to-know-because-they-are-super-important things! Have you ever noticed how hard it is to write long-winded hyphenated words? be jealous. 'til next time.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
dear john...
Dear John,
I know we spent a great 101 minutes together and I'll never forget what your face looks like lit up on the big screen, but I just have to say it outright. Channing Tatum, welcome to the major leagues. anyone with two x chromosomes recognizes that you are a godsend to this film:) WHAT!? you decided to be in a movie where ya don't even bust one little, baby-tiny dance move! I just don't know what to do with myself right now. Only last night, you were giving into the acting side of you. Maybe only a smidgeon but, acting nonetheless. I saw three, count them THREE, different emotions cross your face: anger, indifference, AND sadness... this is all so much, Mr. Tatum. You're makin' momma too proud.
but, Do you know what I couldn't stop thinking about the whole time? Fake Crying. That's right. Your crying scene really got to me. Ya see... I've been working on fake crying (we'll nickname it "frying") for a week now. I've got to deliver a monologue in my stage dialects class (this is for a serious german accent here, folks). I've never really been into acting before though. Merely, dabbled in it for a couple of ensemble roles. So, I wasn't ready to get my emotional groovy down in front of other people yet to really connect personally via my own sad feelings in order to produce a true tear. In other words, I don't know how to think of devastating things that have happened to me in the past and cry over them on demand. Therefore, I studied to art and science of "frying" by an external method, i.e. making your body react to produce a tear. All you have to do is rub your eyes, open them, and then don't blink. Even when they start burning like salty ocean water on freshly shaven legs (Don't even try to tell me that you guys haven't shaved and then gotten into a jacuzzi or some other uncharted body of water and then NOT had to make a rather odd and loud exclamation about the weather in order to cover up how badly you wanted to howl in discomfort!) But, I digress. We were discussing a ridiculous amount of eye burning sensation. (and not the Edward Cullen kind, either, for all of you creepy/obsessive Twilight fans out there- none of this "smoldering eye" business haha). This is the real deal. The penultimate awkward, lazy eye/twitching/head rolling back kind of concentration in order to not give in to the one thing you. want. most.
TO BLINK.
And then, when you finally make it over the hump of self coercion to not blink, your body has tried to compensate for its lack of necessary eye moisture and there's suddenly enough water gathered in your eyes to make it look teary and sad. Then you can blink once and a big tear will fall down your cheeks. It doesn't look contrived or cornea either. I'm sorry did I say "cornea" instead of corny? I couldn't resist. You had to "see" that one coming right? Okay, really, I've got to stop cracking these vision jokes. They're not funny anymore.
Channing/John did a good job in this movie and Amanda Seyfried was beautiful and friendly as always. Haha, it is a little over-the-top at times but, the general effect is nice... don't worry guys, you might even like "Dear John," too.
Welp, see ya later!
I know we spent a great 101 minutes together and I'll never forget what your face looks like lit up on the big screen, but I just have to say it outright. Channing Tatum, welcome to the major leagues. anyone with two x chromosomes recognizes that you are a godsend to this film:) WHAT!? you decided to be in a movie where ya don't even bust one little, baby-tiny dance move! I just don't know what to do with myself right now. Only last night, you were giving into the acting side of you. Maybe only a smidgeon but, acting nonetheless. I saw three, count them THREE, different emotions cross your face: anger, indifference, AND sadness... this is all so much, Mr. Tatum. You're makin' momma too proud.
but, Do you know what I couldn't stop thinking about the whole time? Fake Crying. That's right. Your crying scene really got to me. Ya see... I've been working on fake crying (we'll nickname it "frying") for a week now. I've got to deliver a monologue in my stage dialects class (this is for a serious german accent here, folks). I've never really been into acting before though. Merely, dabbled in it for a couple of ensemble roles. So, I wasn't ready to get my emotional groovy down in front of other people yet to really connect personally via my own sad feelings in order to produce a true tear. In other words, I don't know how to think of devastating things that have happened to me in the past and cry over them on demand. Therefore, I studied to art and science of "frying" by an external method, i.e. making your body react to produce a tear. All you have to do is rub your eyes, open them, and then don't blink. Even when they start burning like salty ocean water on freshly shaven legs (Don't even try to tell me that you guys haven't shaved and then gotten into a jacuzzi or some other uncharted body of water and then NOT had to make a rather odd and loud exclamation about the weather in order to cover up how badly you wanted to howl in discomfort!) But, I digress. We were discussing a ridiculous amount of eye burning sensation. (and not the Edward Cullen kind, either, for all of you creepy/obsessive Twilight fans out there- none of this "smoldering eye" business haha). This is the real deal. The penultimate awkward, lazy eye/twitching/head rolling back kind of concentration in order to not give in to the one thing you. want. most.
TO BLINK.
And then, when you finally make it over the hump of self coercion to not blink, your body has tried to compensate for its lack of necessary eye moisture and there's suddenly enough water gathered in your eyes to make it look teary and sad. Then you can blink once and a big tear will fall down your cheeks. It doesn't look contrived or cornea either. I'm sorry did I say "cornea" instead of corny? I couldn't resist. You had to "see" that one coming right? Okay, really, I've got to stop cracking these vision jokes. They're not funny anymore.
Channing/John did a good job in this movie and Amanda Seyfried was beautiful and friendly as always. Haha, it is a little over-the-top at times but, the general effect is nice... don't worry guys, you might even like "Dear John," too.
Welp, see ya later!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Blind Dates...
I lied. We were supposed to talk about parkour/freerunning... but, I came across something in dire need of reviewing. I mean, Parkour speaks for itself. It's an amazing real life spiderman workout for your entire body and when you tell people you are into that sort of thing, they are immediately interested in learning more- perfect conversation started and it keeps you in shape:) It's basically running but, the whole time you use urban structures like walls, parking buildings, and fences to do jumps, flips, jungle gym/agility exercises, etc. I stayed up really late one night learning all about it and watching "how to" videos on youtube. Go there if you'd like to work your way in to the freerunning scene and there are also websites about other freerunning groups in your area if you want some buddies to get you started!!
So, back to the task at hand. Blind dates. I just went on my first one last night. What do you guys think of them? I didn't know what to expect so I googled how blind dates are supposed to go and according to askmen.com, mine was not only blind but severely handicapped as well...
Facts:
I'm a relatively taller girl (5'8") so I like tall men (around 6' or more). Unfortunately, my guy (we'll call him Ben) was 5'10" so, I reluctantly realized that my perfect five inch heels that I like to be able to wear on Sundays, would be a "no go" with him:( He did smell REALLY good though, so we'll give Ben some bonus points!
Strike two- He didn't take the lead and seemed unprepared as to where we should eat. He literally asked, "In all of Utah, where would you like to eat? When you see a sign for a place ya like we can just exit the freeway and go there..." I DON'T KNOW where we should go in between where I live and the stadium where we're going to see the basketball game. Plus, I felt pressure that we'd be going along the freeway at like 70+ miles an hour and see something I like, tell him, and he'd be so flustered that we needed to exit suddenly, that we'd crash and die. Luckily, that didn't happen. I tried to let him be the man again by, telling him what I like and letting him decide on a place but, he didn't take the bait. I felt emasculated for him, poor guy. We made it to Cafe Rio just fine.
Conversation is pretty important on a date, yeah? Boy meets girl, they talk, he whisks her away in everything impressive about him. She reciprocates by dropping a line or two about her post-grad thesis work on psychoneuroimmunology and her daily workouts/rockin' bod, and musical talents, etc. Overall, they try to find common ground and agree with each other on most things. Ben missed the memo. Instead, he constantly talked about what a waste everything was. "Why spend money on that, when you can get something LAME for free?" Okay, so that's not exactly what he was saying, but it's what I heard all night. I really want to travel, go to grad school, do fun things, and talk about crazy stuff. Ben shut everything down so eventually, I ran out of things to say. Or rather, gave up trying. Everything I had to say, he said the polar opposite or had no clue what I was talking about. Did the man live under a rock his whole life?
Example conversation:
Me: I just joined a bluegrass band and we've got a gig coming up.
Ben: What's bluegrass? Do you play the ukeleles?
Me: (Internal thought process- "HECK NO! where do you get off?")
Me: Umm, no. Not exactly. It's more like a lighter, hicker version of country.
Ben: Oh. Well, I don't like country.
Me: Oh.............. (pause of like 60 seconds)...... What kind of music do you like?
Ben: Video game soundtracks. Like mario kart or halo and stuff. I like to listen to it at work and it gives a nostalgic feeling.
Me: (Internally- "What the heck do I have to say to that? Shoot.")
Me: Haha, like, this tune reminds me of the day I beat level 9, right?
Ben: Yeah....... (nothing)
Me: Umm. (In a desperate attempt to help Ben feel less weird about his musical tastes, I added...) one time my brother, made a mixed cd with one song from Zelda on it.
NEW TOPIC
Me: Did I mention that my brother's in New York and just got back from Berlin where they're filming a movie? He's way into the entertainment field and acting.
Ben: Why would he ever want to go to Europe?
Me: (I had nothing left to say. Just a thoroughly dropped jaw.)
The straw that broke the camel's back- We had planned to meet up with another couple around 6pm but, they were running a little late with their dinner. Ben didn't want to call or text the other guy to let him know we were there, waiting for them outside the restaurant even after a half an hour because he thought we'd be interrupting a budding love affair. The thing is, he had lied and told the couple that we weren't even there yet, so they probably thought they were waiting for us. While waiting, we went into Staples. In the bathroom, I actually had to call up my padres and get some pump-up, moral support words. Later, he finally texted them and they instantly came out wondering what had taken us so long. Told ya, Ben. The game was great. We won. It was a relief during those two hours that we didn't really have to talk.
Afterwards, was a different story. I decided that I was done digging for conversation topics. So, I let him take a shot and politely nodded and agreed with his words... even when he started attacking the boy scout system as a waste of time. Honestly, I was just so shocked by that one, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he just sounds bitter for not completing his own eagle scout. Sorry dude. In my family, scouting, church service, and higher education are just something you do. No questions asked. Except, if you do ask a question about it, we'll find a way to motivate you back into it. Like getting you a car or something.
Anyway, so we're driving me back home and I can tell he wants to end on a good note. He's working really hard to make better conversation and I go with it. He walks me to the door, say it's nice to meet each other, and I'll tell Erin (the girl who set us up) that he says hi... (right after I ask her how the heck she thought we'd get along in the first place?). and scene. done.
Moral of the story. Be pleasant on a date- worst comes to worse, you get a new friend out of it, if you play your cards right. As my friend says that "It's either a really good date or a really good story!" you pick.
So, back to the task at hand. Blind dates. I just went on my first one last night. What do you guys think of them? I didn't know what to expect so I googled how blind dates are supposed to go and according to askmen.com, mine was not only blind but severely handicapped as well...
Facts:
I'm a relatively taller girl (5'8") so I like tall men (around 6' or more). Unfortunately, my guy (we'll call him Ben) was 5'10" so, I reluctantly realized that my perfect five inch heels that I like to be able to wear on Sundays, would be a "no go" with him:( He did smell REALLY good though, so we'll give Ben some bonus points!
Strike two- He didn't take the lead and seemed unprepared as to where we should eat. He literally asked, "In all of Utah, where would you like to eat? When you see a sign for a place ya like we can just exit the freeway and go there..." I DON'T KNOW where we should go in between where I live and the stadium where we're going to see the basketball game. Plus, I felt pressure that we'd be going along the freeway at like 70+ miles an hour and see something I like, tell him, and he'd be so flustered that we needed to exit suddenly, that we'd crash and die. Luckily, that didn't happen. I tried to let him be the man again by, telling him what I like and letting him decide on a place but, he didn't take the bait. I felt emasculated for him, poor guy. We made it to Cafe Rio just fine.
Conversation is pretty important on a date, yeah? Boy meets girl, they talk, he whisks her away in everything impressive about him. She reciprocates by dropping a line or two about her post-grad thesis work on psychoneuroimmunology and her daily workouts/rockin' bod, and musical talents, etc. Overall, they try to find common ground and agree with each other on most things. Ben missed the memo. Instead, he constantly talked about what a waste everything was. "Why spend money on that, when you can get something LAME for free?" Okay, so that's not exactly what he was saying, but it's what I heard all night. I really want to travel, go to grad school, do fun things, and talk about crazy stuff. Ben shut everything down so eventually, I ran out of things to say. Or rather, gave up trying. Everything I had to say, he said the polar opposite or had no clue what I was talking about. Did the man live under a rock his whole life?
Example conversation:
Me: I just joined a bluegrass band and we've got a gig coming up.
Ben: What's bluegrass? Do you play the ukeleles?
Me: (Internal thought process- "HECK NO! where do you get off?")
Me: Umm, no. Not exactly. It's more like a lighter, hicker version of country.
Ben: Oh. Well, I don't like country.
Me: Oh.............. (pause of like 60 seconds)...... What kind of music do you like?
Ben: Video game soundtracks. Like mario kart or halo and stuff. I like to listen to it at work and it gives a nostalgic feeling.
Me: (Internally- "What the heck do I have to say to that? Shoot.")
Me: Haha, like, this tune reminds me of the day I beat level 9, right?
Ben: Yeah....... (nothing)
Me: Umm. (In a desperate attempt to help Ben feel less weird about his musical tastes, I added...) one time my brother, made a mixed cd with one song from Zelda on it.
NEW TOPIC
Me: Did I mention that my brother's in New York and just got back from Berlin where they're filming a movie? He's way into the entertainment field and acting.
Ben: Why would he ever want to go to Europe?
Me: (I had nothing left to say. Just a thoroughly dropped jaw.)
The straw that broke the camel's back- We had planned to meet up with another couple around 6pm but, they were running a little late with their dinner. Ben didn't want to call or text the other guy to let him know we were there, waiting for them outside the restaurant even after a half an hour because he thought we'd be interrupting a budding love affair. The thing is, he had lied and told the couple that we weren't even there yet, so they probably thought they were waiting for us. While waiting, we went into Staples. In the bathroom, I actually had to call up my padres and get some pump-up, moral support words. Later, he finally texted them and they instantly came out wondering what had taken us so long. Told ya, Ben. The game was great. We won. It was a relief during those two hours that we didn't really have to talk.
Afterwards, was a different story. I decided that I was done digging for conversation topics. So, I let him take a shot and politely nodded and agreed with his words... even when he started attacking the boy scout system as a waste of time. Honestly, I was just so shocked by that one, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he just sounds bitter for not completing his own eagle scout. Sorry dude. In my family, scouting, church service, and higher education are just something you do. No questions asked. Except, if you do ask a question about it, we'll find a way to motivate you back into it. Like getting you a car or something.
Anyway, so we're driving me back home and I can tell he wants to end on a good note. He's working really hard to make better conversation and I go with it. He walks me to the door, say it's nice to meet each other, and I'll tell Erin (the girl who set us up) that he says hi... (right after I ask her how the heck she thought we'd get along in the first place?). and scene. done.
Moral of the story. Be pleasant on a date- worst comes to worse, you get a new friend out of it, if you play your cards right. As my friend says that "It's either a really good date or a really good story!" you pick.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Reviewing.
Alright guys. Let's review what we covered last week. Obviously, there's a test coming up and the syllabus says, "you're screwed."
Anyway, what do we think of Lady Gaga?
Genius. Goddess divine. Sheer perfection. Impossibly fashionable outfits (let's face it, no one has worn hi-cut leotard type clothing since the last season of baywatch but, she works it). I'm not really sure how else to put it. I mean, she studied at NYU, so the girl's educated. She's really from New York but, has managed to make everyone think she's from somewhere amazing in Europe. She produces music up the ying yang. You can always dance or workout to her songs, so you can never be in a bad mood when you listen to her... unless, you're into the whole angry kick-punch dancing like Kevin Bacon's solo in Footloose or that guy in Hot Rod. just sayin'. The only thing that seems to be hindering an even larger fan base is the fact that she loves EVERYONE and her lyrics show it. Well, didn't everyone just ignore the last 15 years of Michael Jackson's life. All anyone seems to remember is how legendary his moves were as the king of pop. So, if you're on the fence about Gaga, let's play a love game and you can go burn some disco sticks in effigy. Now, there's nothing else left to say, eh eh eh eh. And, if you aren't familiar with her songs, let me level with you. go youtube her right now. plus, then you'll be able to appreciate my witty jokes from the last couple sentences:)
Join us next time for "you're not hardcore, unless to live PARKOUR."
peace, love, and lol.
~Julie
Anyway, what do we think of Lady Gaga?
Genius. Goddess divine. Sheer perfection. Impossibly fashionable outfits (let's face it, no one has worn hi-cut leotard type clothing since the last season of baywatch but, she works it). I'm not really sure how else to put it. I mean, she studied at NYU, so the girl's educated. She's really from New York but, has managed to make everyone think she's from somewhere amazing in Europe. She produces music up the ying yang. You can always dance or workout to her songs, so you can never be in a bad mood when you listen to her... unless, you're into the whole angry kick-punch dancing like Kevin Bacon's solo in Footloose or that guy in Hot Rod. just sayin'. The only thing that seems to be hindering an even larger fan base is the fact that she loves EVERYONE and her lyrics show it. Well, didn't everyone just ignore the last 15 years of Michael Jackson's life. All anyone seems to remember is how legendary his moves were as the king of pop. So, if you're on the fence about Gaga, let's play a love game and you can go burn some disco sticks in effigy. Now, there's nothing else left to say, eh eh eh eh. And, if you aren't familiar with her songs, let me level with you. go youtube her right now. plus, then you'll be able to appreciate my witty jokes from the last couple sentences:)
Join us next time for "you're not hardcore, unless to live PARKOUR."
peace, love, and lol.
~Julie
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