dear john...

Dear John,
I know we spent a great 101 minutes together and I'll never forget what your face looks like lit up on the big screen, but I just have to say it outright. Channing Tatum, welcome to the major leagues. anyone with two x chromosomes recognizes that you are a godsend to this film:) WHAT!? you decided to be in a movie where ya don't even bust one little, baby-tiny dance move! I just don't know what to do with myself right now. Only last night, you were giving into the acting side of you. Maybe only a smidgeon but, acting nonetheless. I saw three, count them THREE, different emotions cross your face: anger, indifference, AND sadness... this is all so much, Mr. Tatum. You're makin' momma too proud.

but, Do you know what I couldn't stop thinking about the whole time? Fake Crying. That's right. Your crying scene really got to me. Ya see... I've been working on fake crying (we'll nickname it "frying") for a week now. I've got to deliver a monologue in my stage dialects class (this is for a serious german accent here, folks). I've never really been into acting before though. Merely, dabbled in it for a couple of ensemble roles. So, I wasn't ready to get my emotional groovy down in front of other people yet to really connect personally via my own sad feelings in order to produce a true tear. In other words, I don't know how to think of devastating things that have happened to me in the past and cry over them on demand. Therefore, I studied to art and science of "frying" by an external method, i.e. making your body react to produce a tear. All you have to do is rub your eyes, open them, and then don't blink. Even when they start burning like salty ocean water on freshly shaven legs (Don't even try to tell me that you guys haven't shaved and then gotten into a jacuzzi or some other uncharted body of water and then NOT had to make a rather odd and loud exclamation about the weather in order to cover up how badly you wanted to howl in discomfort!) But, I digress. We were discussing a ridiculous amount of eye burning sensation. (and not the Edward Cullen kind, either, for all of you creepy/obsessive Twilight fans out there- none of this "smoldering eye" business haha). This is the real deal. The penultimate awkward, lazy eye/twitching/head rolling back kind of concentration in order to not give in to the one thing you. want. most.

TO BLINK.

And then, when you finally make it over the hump of self coercion to not blink, your body has tried to compensate for its lack of necessary eye moisture and there's suddenly enough water gathered in your eyes to make it look teary and sad. Then you can blink once and a big tear will fall down your cheeks. It doesn't look contrived or cornea either. I'm sorry did I say "cornea" instead of corny? I couldn't resist. You had to "see" that one coming right? Okay, really, I've got to stop cracking these vision jokes. They're not funny anymore.

Channing/John did a good job in this movie and Amanda Seyfried was beautiful and friendly as always. Haha, it is a little over-the-top at times but, the general effect is nice... don't worry guys, you might even like "Dear John," too.

Welp, see ya later!